Saying BYE to Yes Men/Women

We all have those people who we know will be by our side through thick and thin. At least I hope you do. If not, you have yourself, God, and me.

Having someone who you can talk with about literally anything is an incredible feeling. Growing up, my favorite time was having talks with my dad. He would set aside a time to come in and talk about anything. This was my window of opportunity to get everything off my chest. These conversations with my father taught me how to communicate effectively. However, somewhere along the years, I “outgrew” those conversations, not in Daddy's eyes but in my own. When he would come in to talk, I would just say things like, “what is it, every

thing's great, I don't have anything to talk about”. Eventually, I would began to talk, even if it was the next day. I guess that's just a stage everyone has to go through growing up. Having an open line of communication with my parents created a safe haven where I knew my thoughts, ideas, and perspectives would always be safe. I'm not saying we agreed on everything; we actually disagreed on quite a few things. The disagreements were just another way for me to understand respect. Those disagreements taught me that you can love someone with all of your heart and see life in a totally different perspective than them. Does that mean the love stops? No, that means the love grows.

Outside of my relationship with my parents, I had friends. Never, a lot of friends but I always had two best friends who I knew would ride for me regardless. When I tell you we were complete opposites! BABEEE, complete opposites! But I still supported them and they supported me. Most importantly, we corrected each other. The three of us have been wrong in the way we have handled situations several of times. But when we corrected each other, we understood the corrections came from a place of love. Those friends were from grade school and to this day, we still support and correct each other. Those friends, I have fallen out with due to disagreements but we've always managed to get back on track.

Through the experiences explained above, I concocted this idea that if I've never disagreed or had an argument with someone, there was no way that we could be friends. I still stand by this opinion; however, I view it slightly different now. Over the years, I've gained a new bestfriend and we disagree about EVERYTHING! When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING! But we've never fallen out or even had to take a break from each other. I found myself examining our friendship and wondering how in the world it was possible to have such a close friend and never have an argument. I was CONFUSED! Deeply confused. But the difference was us. We knew that we were too grown to be out here throwing our friendship away because we had disagreements.

Over the years, it has become clear that people have no idea how to disagree with respect. There are some who are convinced that there is a right way to do everything. I don't believe so. Do I believe there is a certain level of correctness for everything? Yes, but I believe individuals have to get to know themselves in order to figure out what works for them. So, to those people who argue because someone is “doing it wrong,” HAVE SEVERAL SEATS!

Anyways! Back to my point here, if you don't have people in your life who see things differently than you, perhaps you should reexamine your circle of friends. There is no way for you to never disagree with someone on at least one topic. Don't allow people to confirm you without vetting their confirmation. There are too many yes men/women and they'll have you and all of your accomplishments going downhill slowly but surly.

So be careful who all you let in your inner circle and when you find a friend who corrects or challenges you, be thankful! Don't push them away! You need them!

Figuring out who your yes man/woman is shouldn't be hard but here are a few questions to help you discover them.

1) Who are your biggest supporters?

2) Out of those people who has never corrected you about anything?

3) Have you ever knew something was wrong but asked this person because you knew they would say otherwise?

Once you discover them, you now have to decide if the relationship is worth keeping.

1) List three things that you've gained and lost as a result of the friendship

2) Does this person

a) look up to you and esteem you too much to see your wrong (worth keeping)

b) do you believe they are secretly waiting on your downfall? (throw them away)

3) List three examples of things that have been said or happened which caused you to answer a or b to question number two.

Use all of your answers to make your decision on how the relationship continues. Whether you have decided to keep them as a close friend or not, you still have to have the conversation. Only you can determine the logistics of that conversation. Explain to them why it's important for them to be truthful with you and why it's not always okay to agree with you. Just be patient and ensure that your thoughts are clear before approaching this person.

Preparation, Fight, Elevation...

Jassmine